navel gazing

For years now, it's been a frequent gripe of mine that some of the people who knew me when I was younger haven't bothered to understand the man I've grown up to be. I've also occasionally found it amusing to consider my interactions with various people in the past and to imagine how differently I would have felt about those people if Then Me could think and act as Now Me does.

For all the time and thought that I have put into these two different ideas, I haven't ever seriously considered that others might have changed from the people I knew as well. Of course, I understand it on an intellectual level, but I've never taken the time to really think about the progressions that other people may have made.

Although I talk in a facetious manner as though I think myself to be perfect, I do tend to introspect a lot and seek out flaws in my own thinking and understanding, but this one came as a shock. I'm a bit surprised that I never paused to see the world this way, and I will have to put some time in on trying to gain a new understanding of a lot of people that I used to know.

it hits at the weirdest moments

At the strangest times, I'm confronted with missing my grandfather. Over the past two years, he'd become such a daily, albeit long distance, part of my life that I still find myself wanting to call him to share something with him. It stung to realize that it's Passover and that there is nobody to call to wish a happy holiday to, nor anyone to talk with about my plans to make matzoh ball soup (or to beg for some red horseradish). With his great-granddaughter's first loose tooth coming along a couple of days ago, it reflexively occurred to me while making dinner tonight that we hadn't passed the information on to him and that I should call. He'll never know about the latest silly things that the kids have done, nor the latest adventures we've planned. Maybe I would have had more closure if I'd been able to attend the funeral, but these little things keep hitting me, and, though they're not overwhelming, they still hurt a bit and throw me off of my rhythm.

I think he'd be pleased to know that we're taking a huge road trip to spend a lot of time with family this summer. I'm just disappointed (and I think he would be, too) that his death occasioned it.

we should all be so lucky

Quick, in the presence of loved ones, and still looking forward to the future with hope. We should all be so lucky.

A few memories:

• A kite made of wood and paper that didn't fly.
• Driving too slowly down the middle of a two-lane road, listening to WCLV, never using a turn signal.
• Teaching a young child what "analytical thinking" means.
• A perfectionist at the grill.
• Knowing the perfect way to brew a cup of tea and then using the shittiest blends available.
• Indulging his wife in so many ways while quietly subverting her.
• Joyfully buying cheap crap from dollar stores and then giving it away.
• Buying desserts because they looked good, but giving them to others because they were "too rich."
• Never going near cinnamon, a relic of the Great Depression and rice pudding.
• Endless terrible email forwards.
• A craftsman's admiration of art.
• Adoration of his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, even when they drove him crazy.
• Having a "guy" for everything.

Our last conversation was mostly about how much he wanted to come up here and visit us, talk about work, talk about the kids, and talk about how much fun he was having with his girlfriend. I told him that my chief concern was that he was taking care of himself and he was touched by that and, of course, wanted to pass along his love to the kids. It was a very typical conversation for us, and nothing was missing.

back to running! (?)

After my last post and my concerns over the knee pain, I decided to pass on further running until I'd had the chance to meet with a doctor and consult on my options. A very nice doctor at Sitka Medical Center advised me to take advantage of the miracles of modern neoprene and was willing to write me a scrip for physical therapy as well. I haven't been able to arrange the therapy appointment yet (looking after kids, traveling for a week, and not having a solid hour for an initial appointment at a convenient time have conspired...), but I did get to the local pharmacy to pick up a pair of knee braces.

I was diagnosed with Patella Tracking Disorder, which basically means that when my thigh muscles contract, my kneecap is pulled to the outer side of my joint and it creates stress on the tendons and cartilage inside. This is pretty common in people who aren't in great shape, but still damned unpleasant. I'm using neoprene braces with kneecap holes, but biasing the hole to the inside of my knee in order to push the patella to where it's supposed to stay. I'm still trying to figure out how to get the braces to stay exactly where I want them to be, but today's run seemed to vindicate their use. My left knee has no pain or discomfort and my right has only minimal discomfort, some of which may have to do with torquing it on the uneven surfaces I hit a few times.

The run: I ran out Halibut Point Rd about 1.5 miles (just shy of Harbor Mountain Rd) and probably took it way too fast. My leg muscles were initially stiff from the tightness of the braces and this may be part of why I started so quickly. I was focused on my legs and discovered about halfway through that I'd created some tension in my upper arm that was causing stiffness in my left shoulder. Some quick arm shakes and really relaxing it worked that out fast. Near the end, my lungs were starting to get angry with me, but I experienced the least foot* and leg pain I've felt yet and also got a bit of runner's high!

Details:
2.9ish miles on flat, hard surfaces
27:30 (about a 9:30 mile pace, which wasn't bad for me at this point)


*Vibram KSOs with Injinji NuWool hiking socks gave a great cushion on this run.

no more running?

So, I intended to do a 5K last night. As the day progressed, it became less and less likely that I'd do so and then it just didn't happen.

I woke up with burning calves. I could only hobble around the house, but I thought it was hilarious. I'd run a course with some hills the day before and this was expected. Burning calves are a sign that unused muscles are waking up.

When we got ready to leave the house, I got to the five steps from our porch to the ground and discovered a far bigger problem. In the past, I've experienced varying degrees of knee pain from different activities. In general, when my knees take a repeated beating over time, they let me know about it. Near the end of a 40 mile hike a few years ago, I found myself only able to step up and down with one leg because the other knee was so upset with me. Well, yesterday, my left knee felt like someone had stabbed it.

The pain has mostly gone now (more than 24 hours after my last run), but it was intense, right between the patella and the femur. It's on the inside of my knee, and feels like it's in the cartilage (I could be wrong about that, but it's definitely not bone and I'm pretty sure it isn't tendon pain). With a large family history of bad joints (both parents and a grandparent have had at least one joint replacement, two of them have had more than two replacements, and my sister is a matter of time) my next step is to get a full physical and then a reference to someone in the physical therapy field who can help me move ahead from here. I'm happy to use a knee brace for support and protection, but I refuse to use painkillers. Joint pain is not something that I want to cover up or ignore - it's there to warn me about something serious and important and I need to know.

My days of running on hard surfaces are probably over, which is unfortunate because though there are plenty of trails around here, they aren't as well-lit as the streets, have far more large omnivores with which to contend, and aren't located close enough to the house for me to access them without a bit of effort.

I just hope I can run again.

run 2

Tried some hills today. I ran part of the route that will be used for tomorrow night's Only Fools Run at Midnight charity 5K and managed to survive.

3.27 miles, 34:59. VFFs did great in damp conditions, but my legs were really feeling the workout. It's been nice so far to see that my lungs are keeping up with everything I'm asking of them.

It's been eleven and a half years since the last time I ran a competitive 5K and I'm considering doing one tomorrow night on only two days of "conditioning." I'm not sure if this is crazy or suicidal, but I've been having a blast with the actual running and my body felt like it was asking for a run tonight, so I'm gonna keep giving it what it asks for.

first run in Sitka

Having lived in Sitka for nearly a year, I went on my first run today. I'll be recording my future runs in this blog, so sorry if you don't want to read about this. There'll still be the same lack of posting on other subjects as before.

It occurred to me that my wife's references to my growing belly might be subtle hints that I could make myself more attractive to her. Combine that with a wedding coming up in a few weeks where I'll see my family and be sure to hear from my mother about how out of shape I am as well as a desire to not feel like a fat bastard, and here we are.

Turns out, Sitka is a great place to run. Beautiful scenery, clean sea air with enough humidity to not dry me out, and temperatures that feel great. I need to scope out the best places and times to run on trails without fear of bears, though, so that I can really get the best of it all (and not destroy my feet in my Vibrams).

First run: 9:30ish at night, just in time for the sun to start dipping, 27:40 and an as-yet-unknown number of miles. I'm guessing it was about 3, because I'm out of shape.