President Palin

Right now, in a bizarro world in which Sarah Palin is capable of introspection, she is preparing for her impending inauguration as the first female President of the United States. You see, when John McCain nominated her for VP, she thought carefully (blinked, even), realized how unprepared she was for the job, finished her term as Governor of the State of Alaska but did not run for re-election, and then spent a couple of years really doing her homework. Glad to have seen that she escaped a bullet by not attaching her star to McCain's candidacy, she prepared to run the campaign that he didn't. She spent time in DC, making friends with influential lawmakers on both sides of the aisle and showing them the skills she honed as a governor who worked with members of both teams. She traveled the world, meeting with leaders of important nations like Germany, the UK, Russia, and Japan. Her experience dealing with resource extraction, naval and fisheries issues, and Arctic policy rapidly made her sought-after as a power broker and negotiator, and the US State Department sent her as a member of several important delegations to consider renegotiations of Arctic treaties. When the 2012 election rolled around, she was viewed favorably by women, the elderly, the Religious Right, supporters of the military, and just about everyone who was frustrated with Barack Obama. Her numbers among white males, ages 35-70, were historically high. Her cautious handling of the immigration issue helped to split the Hispanic vote despite the fact that that demographic voted against Republicans nationally. Obama was still solid with the Democratic base, but the loss of women was enough to drive Palin to a narrow win in the Electoral College. It sure is a good thing that in our world, she didn't blink.

Bootsy Collins

I mean, really. Bootsy. Collins.

Punchy

Doing a late-night radio show sometimes gets me punchy when I should just go to bed. Right now, I'm all worked up about schooling someone in the finer points of his stupid religion, which is funny, because I'm an atheist.

Why can't the believers actually know anything about their beliefs? Why can't I just stop caring about this and go to bed? Why am I asking you?