slow, quiet days are bad

I'm beginning to dread my weekends.

Today, I had two things on my agenda: make breakfast for the kids and go to the Farmer's Market. I added a few small errands on the way to the Market, but my schedule was clear by 12:30. Normally, that would sound like a recipe for a great day, but it wasn't quite.

The first problem was that today was rainy. I have realized that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is an adorably-named affliction aside from the fact that calling it "SAD" is much cuter than the actual disorder and the fact that it blows to have my mood connected to my vitamin D levels. I take D supplements on a daily basis, which enable me to do really well on sunny days here and decently on days where there is intermittent sun. A day like today, however, is really rough. Not only was it wet, it has been so rainy that we're on track to double a rainfall record older than me. The gray got less dark at one point, and I guess that's what counts for sun today.

The second problem was that not having anything on the schedule means that I'm sitting here, alone with my thoughts. I had tentative plans to spend all of tomorrow being physically active and some of this evening hanging out with adult friends, but those plans got shelved when tomorrow's forecast canceled the outdoor activity and the overnight babysitting. Instead, I'm cooped up in the house with a pair of great kids who have a lot of energy and good will, but aren't adults at all. It has been pointed out to me recently that stay-at-home parents get to deal with this scenario daily, but I don't even get the relief of having an adult coming to spend some of the evening with me. Normally, when I'm alone with my thoughts, being musical helps to banish the demons. Several hours of attempting that have only helped the smallest of amounts.

I should probably read, but my desire for sociability is too great. I should find something to do, but my heart isn't in chores (and I've done enough laundry, cooking, and cleaning today - I deserve at least part of a day off from that). I have had one nice conversation on the phone with a friend, but a long-distance phone conversation, pleasant as it was, is just not the same as being around people. I should seek out physical activity, but it's wet and I can't leave the kids alone and I just don't wanna try that hard right now.

I don't need much - though I'd love to have someone here to cuddle with, simply having someone (or a few someones) to talk with over dinner or play cards with would be enough at this point. This is the part that's hard for me, and I don't expect many people to understand.